Bunny’s not-so-wise words from Yeh Jawani Hai Deewani, “shaadi is dal chawal for pachaas saal till you die. Life mein thoda bohot kheema-pav, tangdi kebab, hakka noodle bhi hona chahiye na!”, should not always apply to romantic relationships, but considerably to friendships! It is human nature to always be on a hunt for something new. We’ve grown up in a culture so colorful and rich with a variety that the proverb “variety is the spice of life” hits just too close to home. We prefer variety and choice of options in every aspect of life. Don’t you think that should be the case with the friends we make too?
Agreed, a best friend is our safe haven and we trust him/her to have our back through every tussle. But, is there a golden rule that says you can’t have more than one best friend? The concept of “best friend” sometimes portrays unhealthy attachment. Why should we focus all our energy on nurturing one friendship, instead of mindfully distributing that energy to build our “inner circle”? Instead of restricting friendships, it would be fruitful to replace the concept of “best friend” with “inner circle”.
Every quintessence of your inner circle holds the key to unlock a different facet of your personality. When you view your personality as the centerpiece of your puzzle, your inner circle is what is required for completing this puzzle. It is however crucial to recognize who brings out which facets. On the basis of that, one should carefully select the right fit for their puzzle gap. Misjudgment while selecting the puzzle piece for a particular gap is bound to cause a sense of dissatisfaction in the friendship. A misapprehension in recognizing your match should never be considered a massive failure. It is okay!
It is an unfortunate occurrence if you are familiar with the feeling of guilt for not going to your childhood best friend to discuss the guy you met at your college. I am confident that decision was not because you don’t trust your childhood best friend but because you knew that she would be the voice of reason or react in a certain way. Sometimes you just yearn for a fresh perspective and it is only human to want variety. Having known your best friend for over decades, predicting her perspective is not a brain wrecker for you. Your college best friend on the other hand might be able to unravel an atypical view of the situation owing to her personality and it is not taboo to approach her for a personal situation. In the end that is how to build your inner circle.
Everyone has seen different phases of you, but not all phases of you are seen by everyone. It is disheartening that sometimes this is misinterpreted as being imposturous. This becomes a reason for baseless judgments, which causes you to intentionally fake your reality. A fact that needs to be registered in our mind is that faking stops when making judgments stops. It is when we stop holding a grudge against our best friend for not approaching us during a crisis that the concept of “inner circle” would become socially acceptable. It is time to let go of the unhealthy attachment and appreciate the growth and independence we experience individually.
If we don’t go to the same person for every matter, why do we expect that person to always greet us with matters that distress them? Acceptance of the fact that we cannot be the go-to person for every situation, acceptance that we are situation-specific friends will help develop the most beautiful, right, and independent attachment of your – puzzle. We have to remember that situation-specific never means conditional friends. It is the bond and memories we have to trust and cherish every time.
It is understandable that there will be times when one is confused about whom to talk to? There are too many opinions or even no one you can trust with this situation. It will be during times like these when EduPsych will be at your service. The 24-hour #iHaveAfriend helpline connects you to trusted volunteers, whom you can talk to about your concerns without the fear of judgment or of discrepancy in privacy. EduPsych will be at your rescue when you fail to realize who fits your puzzle gap. The diversity of volunteers on the #iHaveAfriend helpline guarantees to help you to find the right fit for you. Visit: https://www.edupsych.in/counseling-helpline-i-have-a-friend for more information.
About the Author
Content Writing Intern at EduPsych
Riddhi is an enthusiastic learner, currently studying psychology. Her zealous and creative personality motivates her to find new ways to charm people around her. It is one of her ambitions to normalize having conversations about mental health issues and encourage people to enhance their well-being. She is aspiring to work towards changing the notion of negativity that is stereotypically linked to psychology and mental health. She occasionally writes, loves playing the drums, is a movie fanatic, and loves having conversations over coffee with her favorite people.