It is the irony of all ironies to experience tragedy and come out of it feeling more greatful.
Life as We know it is life as we've never known. It is when we suffer a loss that we learn to define life based on our difficulties.
After loss, the emptiness of birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays, can be especially hard. You would have on your fingertips this unbelievable reservoir of sadness. It would seem right next to you where you can touch it - with it becoming a part of your life. But alongside sadness, you would have a much deeper appreciation for what you used to take for granted: family, friends, and simply being alive.
Once you can see these days of emptiness as milestones, you would learn to cherish these as moments. And it is when you would discover a WHY to live for, you can bear almost any how.
There would be times when you would be caught up in strings like:
"You must go on,
I can't go on,
I will go on."
In many of the grief counseling sessions, my clients have questioned me about how much resilience do they need to overcome the pain. We've often had to pause the sessions at this juncture. It takes the client to not only reach out for their handkerchief at this point, but it even makes them feel that they cannot breathe. As the client gasps a breath or two and feels like returning to the present- the session, I break the reality about building resilience and it is almost always seen that clients feel ascertained that they will be able to overcome this painful phase and they will be able to find joy.
Because "Resilience is the strength and speed of our response to adversity- and we can build it. It isn't about having a backbone. It is about strengthening the muscles around the backbone.", asking for a 'quantity', i.e., 'how much resilience do I need?' becomes a wrong question. Instead we can begin 'building resilience'.
Grief is a demanding companion. In the early days of an adversity crash landing into your life, it is always there, not just below the surface but on the surface. Simmering, lingering, festering. Then, like a wave it would rise up and pulse through as if it were going to tear the heart right out of the body.
But, there is a bottom to this seemingly endless void. Yes, grief is unavoidable but, there are things one could do to lessen the anguish for oneself. While grief runs its course, one's beliefs and actions could shape how quickly one moved through the void and where one ended.
If the passage above sounds like you need help in sailing through pain, void and hopelessness, you can reach out to us. Click Here. Remember, no one has been handed only roses. We all encounter hardships.