What failed to happen for you as a child?


No parent would like to see his or her child fail in life, whether it is childhood or adulthood. Some of the most gut-wrenching times for parents can be helplessly watching their child misspell a word during a spelling bee competition, or missing the cut for select dance competition. The sense of failure can also occur in the early years of childhood like not being selected for class monitor, not being picked up by a friend to have lunch together in school. However, failure can be altered into a learning experience that improves your child's ability to succeed in the future.

"Failure is only the opportunity to begin again more intelligently." rightly said by Sir Henry Ford.

While it is a natural part of living but failure can produce painful feelings such as low self-esteem in a child or teen, anger, sadness, or frustration. How our children experience these emotions may be based on their age and maturity; however, they can be taught to deal with those feelings in a positive way. Parents are a role model for their offspring, our children see how we accept, or deal with failure and that influences their own response.

An example of emotional neglect:

Nowadays in a household both the parents are working, the kids are left either in day care or with caretakers at home. Children of absent parents end up raising themselves largely, and if they are the oldest child then they may raise their younger siblings too. These children tend to become overly responsible in childhood and may carry over to adult life as well. As children, they seem like little adults, overburdened with worry about their families.

In my early teens even, I have faced the burden of early adulthood as both my parents were working. I used to boss over my younger brother for practically everything. When my parents were not around, I used to feel the pressure of taking care of my brother, his studies, my studies, and the house. Soon the bubbly me was lost somewhere and I became an introvert. I was irritated all the time, stopped going out for play. My friends started complaining to mother about my behavior.

This rang an alarm bell for my parents, because even they were noticing this change in me, they had ignored this, thinking these were the teenage tantrums. Nevertheless, it was getting worse day by day. And one fine day they confronted me. They made me sit with them and started asking me about what is happening in my school, how are my studies are going, how are my friends (both school and ones in our society).

At first, my response was "Everything is OK", but at the back of my mind I was wondering 'what was up with them'? ,'Why are asking so many questions?'

I again replied that “Everything is good” and was about to get up and leave when they made me sit with them and told me that my friends were complaining about my changing behavior and that I do not go out to play with them. They treated me like an adult and asked me to open up.

I was confused and frustrated; everyone- my friends and my parents were just not understanding. I hugged my mother and began crying aloud. My parents were taken aback for a few moments but as I started talking they listened to me patiently and attentively. As far as I remember, that was the only day I had cried like that except the day of my marriage.

The atmosphere at home changed completely from that day. Either of my parents was home by 6 p.m. in the evening. The weekends became fun time. Our parents started spending as much time as they could with us. We started going for holidays during our summer break every year. I thank my parents for what I am today, they handled the situation so well, and they immediately evaluated what went wrong and took the corrective action.

We as parents should not panic, and loose heart. After all, we are the support pillars for our kids. We should not ignore the behavioral changes, because as an adult, we can identify what we did not get or get, and what we can give it to our kids. I have seen many people go through this process with great success.

If they can, we all can.

There is no right or wrong procedure in this. If you decide to do something, you can.

For the better future of our children, I think we all should spend some quality time everyday with them.

Parenting is certainly challenging and at times frustrating/confusing. As a parent, it may get totally bizarre to not know what to do and what not to do. Worry not! Sign up for a "Parenting Workshop" and learn:

  • How to raise a toddler?

  • How to befriend a teenager?

  • How to understand an adolescent?

  • How to know when to step back and let your child take over?

  • How to positively correct their unruly/unacceptable behaviour?

The list is in-exhaustive!

Wait NO MORE. Contact us.

#parenting #maturetobeimmature #childcentric #parentpsychology #childpsychology #emotions

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